“Partnering with Parents in Youth Ministry” by Burns, Jim and Mike DeVries. In order to give this book justice, I will separated my responses into categories of: What I liked about it, what I did not like about it, and my final summary of it.
What I liked about it
This book wasn’t something I chose on my own, but an assignment in Seminary. So at first, when I checked it out, I was hoping to simply skim through it in order to get the assignment done quickly. But as I began reading it, I realized that this would be impossible–not because it was un-skimmable, but because there is really a lot of good stuff to take notes on.
The Main Focus
The main focus of this book was to encourage the importance of working not only with the students, but especially with the parents–working with the whole family. All too often, Youth Leaders seem to actually fear the parents. But this is dangerous in Youth Ministry, for even if the children don’t have a good relationship with their parents, their parents are still the greatest influences in their lives (p. 17).
The Four Pillars
The four pillars mentioned for “every successful family-based ministry” are communication, encourage and equip, involve, and reach out.
I saw communication as the most important for where I was in my ministry at the moment that I read this. If there is to be any kind of ministry, communication is a must. Also, as Youth Pastors and youth leaders, if we ask a student to inform their parents or give them anything for us, most often, it will never get there. Therefore, we need to approach the parents and inform them of events in the ministry, give them ways to contact us, and display our passions for working with their children by informing them of what topics are being covered, and even sharing our vision for the ministry with them. Remember, we are not competing with their parents, we are working with them, as partners.
An Unprepared Youth Pastor’s Experience
On pages 52-53, “Mike” shared a story of a time when he was fresh out of college, and decided to put together a parent meeting. But because he didn’t know what to expect, he wasn’t prepared. But at the same time, the questions asked that he didn’t know how to answer, helped him realize just how much we need to be partners with the parents. This story helped me know what to and what not to do, and what to expect from a parent meeting while at the same time, helping me understand how important one is.
What I Did Not Like About It:
Chapter 3 gave a good explanation for what to expect from each generation, beginning with
those who were born in 1901, and reaching to 2003. This was good, except that the kids I have worked with in the past, and was working with at the time of reading this, fit in more with the Boomers and Millennials, according to their chart, for their relatives weren’t American GIs. Granted, there are some similarities, though the chart does not seem to define the cultures if they don’t have American-born parents. Although, some actually did fit in the “Civic” category, as suggested by the chart, for they care about community. But at the same time, when I showed them the info for the 30 Hour Famine, the page mostly looked at in their manuals was that which offered free gifts for how much money they raise. The chart seems to want to work like a horoscope or constellation chart, for it expects it all to match: “If you are born between these times, then this explains you.” I didn’t find this was accurate with my students.
Big Church Example
Chapter 7, also didn’t seem to fit my ministry. Granted, it suggests what a parent meeting agenda may look like, but appeared to be designed for a big church. Therefore, the fact that I was currently working with a small, recently-planted church, this probably wouldn’t have worked for me.
Influencing Your Child’s Spiritual Values
Chapter 8 put together a schedule to help “influence your child’s spiritual values”. I must admit, I liked the ideas, and you can see that good time was invested in the planning. But one thing I noticed, and was bothered by, was that worship was not listed anywhere on the schedule. In fact, neither were small groups or prayer times. I suppose they could be fit in during the “free time”, but I couldn’t see how a ministry retreat for parents wouldn’t include time for worship.
Family Devotions
I liked chapter 9’s family devotions and ideas, but if I were to use them, I would have to alter them for my congregation. For example, “Family movie night”: It was suggested that Veggie Tales be the selection for the night. Now, I understand that everybody used to love the Veggie Tales, but at the same time, I couldn’t see teens getting excited about putting off any possible plans to sit and watch them with their family. I would instead suggest watching a popular movie, then talking about it with their parents afterwards, as well as relating events in it with the Bible. That way, they will not only be interested in the movie time, but also be able to relate what God tells us about such situations that are not only in the movie, but also possibly in the teens’ lives.
Summary:
This book is definitely a good note-taker. There are a lot of good suggestions, as well as easy to
understand points. It’s easy to read, and the authors seem to really stand behind what they are
writing about. But at the same time, it is not a book that will apply to all churches, and not every
Youth Pastor/leader will be able to use all the information. This may not be expected in the
beginning, but should at least be taken note of.
It is definitely a good, practical book, which I like, and the authors sound like they know what they are talking about from experience.
I would suggest this book to somebody who wants to learn about family ministry, but also while adding these disclaimers.
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