Hey Andy, are we as Christians Biblically obligated to always forgive? Regardless of the situation, is forgiveness a biblical obligation for all Christians?
Hi, good question. Well, to understand forgiveness, the first place that we need look at is the most popular prayer in the New Testament – The Lord’s Prayer. Next, we need to recognize that when we’re asking God to forgive us, we’re also asking Him to do so in the same way that we forgive others. And since we sin more often than we like, we have to continuously ask for forgiveness, right? And God continues to forgive us when we do, so likewise, we need to forgive others in that same manner. But now, if you continue, you’ll see that Jesus then goes on to say that if we don’t forgive others, then God won’t forgive us – really makes you think.
How Many Times?
Second, we need to remember what Jesus taught Simon about forgiveness: “Don’t forgive 7 times, but 70×7 times”, which basically meant that there shouldn’t be a limit to the times that we forgive somebody. And to help us understand this more, Jesus then went into a parable about a king/ruler who forgave 1 guy for a huge debt, but that guy didn’t forgive somebody else of a smaller debt, and even treated him harshly for not being able to pay him. But when the ruler learned of this, he arrested the guy that he’d forgiven and threw him into jail.
So yes, as Christians, we are “Biblically obligated” to always forgive. But to forgive is not to wipe the slate clean (for only God can really do that). It’s like if somebody stabs you in the leg – you may forgive them for it, but from that point on, you’ll always have a scar and probably always walk with a limp. You’ll also probably step away from them each time they hold a knife for fear of it happening again.
Regardless of the Situation?
Now, you mentioned in your question, “regardless of the situation”. I think this is one of the hardest parts about being a Christian – forgiving people that either we don’t want to forgive, who we feel don’t deserve it, and/or those who have hurt us. I mean, wouldn’t it be easier to just hold a grudge against them, to never trust them again and have nothing to do with them? Wouldn’t it also be nice to be able to exact revenge on them (depending on the situation)? I think that’s why Jesus stresses forgiveness so often though, because to do so is to take on the character of or Father in Heaven, who continues to forgive not only us when we mess up, but others who have also done so much evil in the world, should they deny themselves, turn from their ways, and follow Christ. I mean, think of it:
- In Muslim countries around the world, people who were once so militant against Christians have turned from their evil ways, accepted Christ, and actually become evangelists for Christ to those with whom he once killed Christians (just like with the Apostle Paul);
- Gang leaders give up their evil ways and become Pastors and evangelists to gang-bangers and street kids
- I just heard of a former Black Panther who gave his life to Jesus and became a Pastor for a multi-racial church;
- Nebuchadnezzar, one of the most powerful kings in history, turned towards God and lived the rest of his life for Him;
- The king of Nineveh, an enemy of Israel, turned towards God, and the whole city was saved (for the time being)
…surely, if any evil tyrants in the world’s history would have turned towards Christ before dying, regardless of how evil they were, God would’ve forgiven them. And to be like our Father in Heaven, as He calls us to do so, also, regardless of how difficult it is, just like Him.
Why We Don’t Want to Forgive
I think that one of the reasons we don’t want to forgive though, may be because we tend to feel like we’re letting them off easy — like they’re getting away with it, or nothing’s being done to prevent them from doing it again. I read a quote once that might help. It said, “To offer forgiveness is not to pretend that no wrong has been done, but to assert that it has.” In other words, in order to forgive somebody, the offending party must first acknowledge that a sin has been committed against you. Second, even if they don’t acknowledge the sin, we still need to forgive them, but just as the ruler responded, we too mustn’t be fools in our forgiveness. Remember, the goal for forgiveness is reconciliation — with the offender, but also with God.
Forgiveness for Reconciliation
Think about this for a moment: is the offending party showing signs of repentance if they continue to doing the same thing to you? Say for instance if you have a relative who’s a drug addict. They may continue to let you down and ask for repentance, and actually mean it. But how long will you let it continue on before putting them into rehab? So you need to forgive so that reconciliation may be made possible, as well as for your own health, but I believe something needs to be done in chronic situations so as to keep it from happening anymore.
Forgiveness With Correction
Now think about this for a moment: if the offender continues to commit the same sin against you, who’s being the fool if you continue to forgive them without stressing consequences of their actions? (What do you think would happen if a child kept behaving badly and never received an act of discipline?) In John 5:1-14, we read about Jesus healing the man who’d been sick for 28 years, and could never get to the pool before anybody else to be healed from his ailment. But now if you’ll read the last verse (14), it reads, “Later Jesus found (the man) at the temple and said to him, “See, you’re well again. Stop sinning, or something worse may happen to you.” So Jesus reconciled the man back to society, but He also warned the man to stop sinning – don’t do what got you here in the first place. Again, just like the time when the Pharisees brought the woman who’d sinned by committing adultery. We all know the story – “he who has no sin, cast the first stone,” right? But look at what Jesus said to her after everyone had left – “sin no more.” Jesus stressed the consequences of both their actions should they continue to sin against God.
What If They Don’t Recognize Their Sin?
This is probably the most difficult part about forgiveness – what if you bring it to them, and they don’t believe they’re in the wrong; or if you don’t bring it to them because doing so could put you in danger? Do you still need to forgive them? If so, why, and how? Let me tell you about a similar situation that I’d struggled through:
A little bit ago, while waiting for the auto shop to change the oil on my wife’s car, I got into a conversation with one of the owners (who’s also a good friend and brother in Christ) about forgiveness. See, I had been hanging onto pain and bitterness towards a Pastor-team from one of my former churches. In fact, during our church small group the previous Sunday, we talked about forgiveness and I had mentioned that I still did not forgive the Sr. Pastor from that one church, for I still wanted justice for what he’d done. Well, this auto shop owner really let me have it — He rebuked me and corrected me (with Christian love, not mean or anything). When I said I wanted justice, he asked me if Jesus asked for vengeance when He died on the cross? I replied, “No.” He then reminded me that instead, Jesus said, “Forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing,” not ‘OK Father, zap them all with lightning bolts for killing me!’ So as ones who are to take on the character of Christ, we too need to forgive those who hurt us and do evil to us, as well as give them into God’s hands, for it’s His battle, not ours. Also, as ones who are to be holy as Christ is holy, if we are to love one another and others in the present and future, then we can’t do so if we’re still holding onto bitterness. He even helped me realize that the bitterness I was hanging onto may be (and probably was) affecting my ministry.
“It’s like the wineskins and wine,” he continued. “We can’t put new wine into old wineskins, for they can’t hold it,” (my current Pastor also mentioned that the old skins would make the new wine taste bitter, too). “But if you’re to hold new wine, then you must use new wineskins.” The old wineskin is the bitterness that I was holding on to. But if you want to hold the new wine, then you must throw away the old skins and put the wine into the new skins.
It all made sense to me, and caused me to realize my need to forgive the Pastor of my past. I mean, I had prayed for him over the years, and if not for his pride and bad theology, he could really be a great servant of the Lord. And as I said, I had been praying for him, not against him, over the years. So for all I know, the Lord could have been working on him ever since. I don’t know, but it’s neither for me to know nor battle. The battle belongs to the Lord. I also know that the Lord knew, before He even sent me there, that everything that happened would happen. He knew that before we moved there. So for whatever the reason, it was a successful mission. I kicked the dust off my feet and moved on. So I completely let go and moved on. The next day, I finally forgave him, the Pastor team, the staff, the families who pretended to be our friends, everybody. And when I did, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and the cloudy day looked a whole lot brighter. All thanks to the Lord communicating to me through an auto shop owner who knows the Lord and His Word, and who was not afraid to lovingly rebuke and correct me.
So Why Do We Need to Forgive?
That’s why we need to forgive others – it not only affects our relationship with them, but also with God, our physical health, our spiritual health, our ministry and witness to others…bitterness, the demand for justice, and grudges all throw us into the wilderness, and if we’re there long enough, we’ll become comfortable in it, and resistant to exiting because we’ve held onto everything for so long. So we need to forgive others, “regardless of the situation”, and give it/them up to the Lord to deal with His way, for us.
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