Is Forgiveness the Attribute of the Strong or the Weak?

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You know, I’m not sure if strength has anything to do with it. I think it has more to do with your faith, how you view God, and maybe even how you see yourself.

First, it needs to be understood that when you forgive someone, it’s not letting them off the hook, nor is it supporting what they did to you. Also, in regards to this question, I’m not looking at it as somebody accidentally bumping into you while walking by. I’m looking at it like somebody wronging you, or doing something to where forgiveness would be a challenge, even extremely difficult.

In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus included, “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew’s version). Luke’s version says “forgive us our sins/trespasses as we forgive those who have sinned/trespassed against us.” But I think Matthew’s version is deeper, simply because the word he used for “debts” resembles a debt that can’t be paid back. It’s like the parable that Jesus told about the king who forgave the fellow who owed what would compare to several millions of dollars, even in those days — something that was literally impossible for the guy to pay back and get right with the person he owed.

In the sense of God forgiving us, the debt that we owe to God couldn’t be forgiven by anything we did. Yeah, they had the sacrificial system earlier on, but the hearts of men were still evil, so we’d just go off and sin again. That’s why a Savior was so crucially needed — to pay the debt to God that we couldn’t pay, and hence what Jesus did for us on the cross, and also in His resurrection from the grave.

So when we’re asking God to forgive us in the Lord’s prayer, we’re asking Him to do 2 things:

So now, we’re throwing in a comparison, literally, “Lord, forgive me in the same way that I forgive others.” You’d think it’d be the other way around: “forgive me, then help me to forgive others in the same manner that you’ve forgiven me.” But that’s not what we’re saying. And to top it off, just AFTER the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus goes on to say that we will be forgiven in the same way that we forgive others. And if we don’t forgive them, then neither will God forgive us for the same thing. So now forgiveness has jumped to a whole new level of importance.

If I don’t forgive this guy for sinning against me, then God won’t forgive me for sinning against Him. That sounds terrifying! Especially if you realize what sin is all about and what it does to you.

So in that light, forgiveness has nothing to do with strength or weakness, but more so fear — fear of not being forgiven yourself.

Another look at forgiveness is letting go of something that’s basically killing you from the inside — bitterness.

When you refuse to forgive someone, you hold onto what they did to you as a grudge, and the longer you hold onto it, the more bitter you become, not only against them, but now also against others, especially those who remind you of the person who wronged you. And again, such bitterness does in fact hinder your relationship with God, as well as with others.

But when you let go of that bitterness by forgiving the other person, then you actually feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and sunlight has been let back into your chest. I kid you not on this. It also allows you to reconcile your relationship with God, because that bitterness is no longer holding you back from His teachings and desires to be close to you. You may even notice yourself being happier more often, looking at things on the bright side, and possibly sick less often (it’s possible, because our emotions tend to weigh in on our health, too).

Maybe the question of strength or weakness, though, should be inserted here: holding onto your decision to forgive. Forgiving someone who’s hurt you, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, or whatever, is sometimes easier in the beginning. But afterwards, you get thoughts in your mind, and emotions build up against your decision to forgive, like demons trying to get you to take back the bitterness that was destroying you (because demons’ agendas are to kill and destroy, so that makes sense). So the strength is holding onto your decision to forgive, and not to allow the enemy to persuade you to take it back. So again, the forgiveness part is not based on strength or weakness.

Third (I like answering in 3’s), people sometimes think that when you forgive someone, you’re allowing them to hurt you again. That’s not the case, and it shouldn’t be the case. They hurt you, and you should’ve learned from it. So when you forgive, it’s on the basis that you set up boundaries to prevent them from doing it again. For instance, if your spouse beat you up one time, though you should forgive them (for the reasons I’ve mentioned above), you must NOT give them a chance to do it again. Get the hell out of there, now!

You see? You forgive them for what they did, and you set up boundaries to prevent it from ever happening again.

Again, I don’t see forgiveness in that example as an attribute of strength. If anything, I see the post-boundaries part as the strength, because again, you have to constantly remember why you put them up, and if you want to prevent it from happening again, you have to keep to them.

Is forgiveness a choice? Sure, but why you choose to forgive, I think, is what determines whether it’s a strength or weakness:

So I don’t think forgiveness is an attribute of someone who’s weak or strong, but someone who’s obedient, to self and to God. And your willingness to obey, versus do what you’d prefer to do, I think, is where the strength comes in.