Hey Andy, does religion in the US play a big role when choosing partners?
Hi, I don’t know if religion DOES play a big role in choosing partners, but it should.
How We See God
First, the way people see and know God reflects how they live. So with that in mind, the way you see and know God also takes part in how you choose a partner, for dating, for friends, and for marriage.
Where You Place God In Your Relationship
Second, the Bible tells us to not be unequally-yoked with our spouse, and not to marry outside our faith. If you’re a loyal and close follower of your faith, then you’ll understand this more than somebody who just grew up in the religion because their parents made them.
For instance, in my bachelor days, I’d occasionally dated people outside my faith, and they wouldn’t join me in prayer, they wouldn’t attend church with me (or were extremely hesitant to), their attitudes in life, love, and relationships were different, etc….also, God wasn’t the center of their lives, so to them, sin wasn’t an issue. And it can be tough, for it’s like when your significant other doesn’t like your best friend, and therefore pressures you to spend less time with them.
Today, however, as a Christian couple, my wife and I keep God in the center of our marriage. We also consult God before any large (and small) decisions. We pray with and for each other, attend the same church, and our lives reflect how we see and know God. And though we don’t agree on every point, we do agree on the main points and foundation of our faith, and our marriage.
When Religion Gets In the Way
Now, I do know, and have known people who actually married outside their faith, and most seemed to go well until they had children—that’s when all hell broke loose—because the question that never came up has now surfaced: in which faith will we bring up our kids? For instance, I heard of a Jewish woman who married a Muslim man—those faiths are usually in major conflict anyway, but somehow this didn’t arise until their first child was born. I also knew a Christian woman who married (without converting) a Jewish man. Most Christians recognize Christianity as the fulfillment of Judaism, but most Jews recognize Christianity as a religious cult that’s completely separate from Judaism. So once their child was born, marital issues began surfacing, and their true fears and views of one another’s faith also surfaced.
Not So Wise of the Wisest Man
I think the perfect example, though, of somebody who married outside his religion, was King Solomon–I know, the wisest man to ever have lived. See, he wasn’t like his dad when it came to battling with other nations. Instead, he made treaties with everyone, and the binding piece of these treaties were that he would marry the daughter of each nation’s ruler–nations that God had told the Israelites to wipe out, Solomon was now joining with (and actually joining with their leaders’ daughters). In fact, God even told the Israelites never to intermarry with such people for the exact reason that they would turn their hearts after their gods. In total, Solomon ended up marrying 1,000 women (700 wives of royal birth and 300 concubines)! (I’m not making this up! Read it yourself if you like, in 1 Kings 11).
But now think about it, if you want to get to know someone, and make a marriage work, what’s the best way to do that? Ask them what they like doing, ask about their lives, and participate in their lives. In Solomon’s case, he learned about their religions, and actually worshiped their gods with them.
The Danger of Dating Outside Your Religion
Beginning with verse 4, it says that “as Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been. He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the Lord; he did not follow the Lord completely, as David his father had done. On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.” Solomon’s not sounding so wise anymore, is he? And it all went downhill from there: The Lord became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the Lord’s command. So the Lord said to Solomon, “Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates.” And if you read on, you’ll see that’s just what God did, and it continued to go downhill from there.
So you see, if you marry (or date) outside of your religion/faith, it’s pretty much guaranteed to be tough. And like I said, if you’re a devout follower of your faith/religion, then you’ll be able to better relate to those who have had difficulty. Or, you and your partner may be more lax in your religion and not have this issue, thus making each of you more like people who have no religion/faith at all.
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